I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
