I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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