Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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