To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
