he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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