Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
