Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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