Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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