I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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