my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
