nutella sex= disaster
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry about my life...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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