Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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