and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
