The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
