its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
