24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
