You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
