about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
