a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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