bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
