I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
