Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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