there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
