NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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