Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
