It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
