she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
