Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
