Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
