dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My bed smells like the plague
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
