His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
