I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
