She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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