Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
