god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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