remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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