i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
