Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
