It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
