her vagine was all disorganized.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
