im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
