Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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