I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
