The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
