I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
