how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
