I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
