can we get nightvision for the apartment?
that's an acceptable place to lick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
