I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
