I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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