so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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