im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
