i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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